the need to sigh

need to sigh

While talking to a friend the other day, I came up with a lame excuse on why I enjoy cigarettes.  I said it’s because it ‘simulates successive sighing.’  And mumbled something about barely having time to sigh.

We had a mtg with the NBI team last night assigned to the case of Alexis -at the last minute, for whatever reason (a valid one I believe)  it was cancelled.  I was dreading that sit-down thing again.  I didn’t want to do the charade again.  But I cannot in my heart skip those sessions either. We gather ’round the agents again, who are just as stumped as we are.  Today marks one year and six months since Alexis and Nika were murdered.   A lot of things are happening in the halls of Congress what with all the bills that need to be passed and the clamors for impeachment for this and that.   While we friends quietly watched the Oscars with the right amount of snark (to humor our old friend) and endure the film critiques without Alexis nor Nika to discuss them with.

need to quit

Friends quietly wait for days when they will no longer feel anything upon remembering dead friends.  I wonder if finding the murderers and bringing them to (so-called) justice will ease anything?   I’m not sure, to be honest, but it certainly is not as sharp as this periodic thud we feel everytime our hearts beat while his ceased to  – a year and six months ago.

Unfortunately, this justice system thing is not business to me – this is personal.

And Christ, I need to sigh.

In case you have no idea.  Read: The Death of Alexis Tioseco.


About gangcentral

My name is (actually) Gang. View all posts by gangcentral

2 responses to “the need to sigh

  • ivy

    My father died from a hit and run incident in 2007. We did try to look for the person who did it but we had no concrete leads, and di rin kami puspusang naghanap talaga. My family never discusssed it din, and we stopped looking for justice not long after my father’s death.

    Personally, I don’t think finding my father’s killer would’ve eased the pain I felt and still feel sa pagkawala nya. I was angry na he died that way, but after that all I felt was sadness na wala na siya. I guess in my case na focus na yung pain ko sa anong nawala sa akin and not the fact na nawala siya in a violent manner. Siguro rin, knowing my father lived a full life made it easier for us to accept the circumstances of his death.

    Having said that, I still hope na makita pa rin ang pumatay sa friends nyo. And I hope that in you case, it will give you peace and help you move on from that night when you stood by your friends for the last time.

    p.s. i know po that I don’t know you personally, so I hope I don’t offend you sa anumang nasabi ko dito:) I hope you don’t block me from twitter hehe.

    • gangcentral

      Hi Ivy! I just saw your comment today. How strange. But thank you for your thoughtful note. I appreciate it. You’ve been brave and I admire that. I hope I can be the same about abrupt deaths. Again, thank you.



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